we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
