My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
