My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
