i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
