I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
