whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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