Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
