you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
