I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
