Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize