If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
