i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
