Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
