he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need moral support for this bender
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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