I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
