you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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