weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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