Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
