Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
