whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
