That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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