We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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