i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
