Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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