i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
