If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
