we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
