Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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