I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
