Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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