Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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