I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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