i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
