i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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