when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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