I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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