do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize