You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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