the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
