honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
