He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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