Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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