we're making bets on your personal life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
