I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she told me i tasted like america
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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