Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
