hotel room ftw
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
