Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
