Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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