My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I just put wine in my tea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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