Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How naked do you want me to be?
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