1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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