It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
