ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize