I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
