So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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