i think my tv is drunk
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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