I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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