I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
