I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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