Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
