Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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