Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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