Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
