No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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