I CAN MOONWALK!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
