I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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