I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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