Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
