There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
