Tell her she can't have a vagina
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
