Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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