I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
