my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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