I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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