I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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