Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize