I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
