I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
