Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
