Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
