I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
